Catch Up -- Summer in Auburn

It's been a while since I have been able to post on here for reasons other than school, sorry bout that everybody.

 I have a free hour in between classes and I'm going to use it to catch yall up on my life. I am spending this summer down in Auburn taking classes and working at Crepe Myrtle Market and Cafe. First minimester ended last Saturday and second minimester started this past monday.

First minimester I took Ethics: A Study of the Seven Deadly Sins, Four Cardinal Virtues, and Three Theological virtues and my Topics in Popular Culture: City Culture classes. They were both great classes and I had seriously awesome teachers. We had blogs for both classes which you can find at the links below! I definitely recommend checking em out!

Ethics
http://thesevendeadlysinssummer2012.blogspot.com/


Topics
http://aucitycultures.wordpress.com/

Classes have just begun this second minimester and I'm loving both of the so far. Im taking Personality Psychology and Sensation and Perception Psychology. Its a summer of Psychology for the rest of summer! Both teachers are really awesome and both work in the research and clinical psychology field so I'm hoping to get good life advice on what exactly my next steps should be from both of them.

Also, I finally got a job! I work at Crepe Myrtle Market and cafe. It's an awesome place with local grown foods and an awesome Steak 'N Bleu Crepe. The people I work with are hilarious and always make work fun.

As for spiritual happenings, I'm going through the Gospels this summer during my quiet time. It's been incredible to study in depth the character of Christ from each of the different books. I thought I would have more time to myself this summer, but with the structure of the minimester I spend more time studying and working than I do in the normal school year, and that has made time management for quiet times hard. At First Presbyterian Opelikia (my church here) we are going through 1 Thessalonians  which is a book I haven't delved too deeply into so I'm excited by what I have the opportunity to learn from it.

Senior year is rapidly approaching and I can't believe that in a short eleven months I will be an Auburn University Alumni. It is exciting to be able to move on to the next step, but absolutely crazy that I am going to have to leave this wonderful place behind. I intend to make the absolute most of the rest of my time here in everyday that I can.

Side note: It was officially a year ago last week that I was bit by that crazy rabid dog in Peru. I miss Peru every day, especially since I am taking classes and working this summer and it's all too easy to think back to the Lomo Saltado and beautiful Andes mountains.

Next update will hopefully be more exciting, life is pretty routine here on the plains now. Yall let me know if there is anything you want me to write about! To all my loved ones in Peru, I miss and pray for yall every day. Besos a todos.

Chao.

Check it out

Link to one of my posts in the blog for my Topics in Popular culture: City Cultures class! Check it out!

http://aucitycultures.wordpress.com/2012/06/13/love-feeds-hunger-in-the-cities-4/

Love Feeds: I NEED YOUR HELP!

VOTE FOR OUR TEAM'S PROPOSAL: LOVE FEEDS.


We are representing not only Auburn University but also the state of Alabama and if we progress to the next round we will represent the United States!


What is it?

How do we encourage people to make better decisions about the food they eat?
How do we identify the correlation between starvation and obesity?
These are the questions "Love Feeds" is based upon.

Those struggling with food insecurity turn to food banks to provide. Unfortunately, the majority of donations food banks receive often times create the obesity and malnutrition we see. Alabama is both the second hungriest and second most obese state in the United States. We will begin our project's research here.

After we have a grasp on what the problem with donations is, we will turn to those who donate: the community and faith based organizations. We will call them to action using scripture such as James 2:15-17, "If a brother or sister lacks food and one of you says, "go in peace," and yet do not supply their bodily needs, what is the good of that? Faith if it has no works is dead."

After we call them to help fight the war on hunger we will equip them with a "Donate This, Not That" guide.

We plan do enact this course of action at local, state-wide, national, and global levels.

Join us as we tell the world the Love Feeds!

WARRR on hunger, hey!

HOW DO YOU HELP?

Below are links to get involved in our project. You can vote 1x a day until April 30th. We need you to vote and share the link to vote on Facebook, twitter, pintrest, tumblr, blogspot, listservs, everywhere! If you want to help us in any other way please let me know. (cmb0030@auburn.edu)

http://apps.facebook.com/promosapp/258653/entry/262122  (LINK TO VOTE)

http://www.facebook.com/AUTFFChallenge (Like us on Facebook)

http://youtu.be/ubzNBVYXU_M (Proposal Video)

@AUTFFChallenge @AU_Co19 (Twitter Accounts)

Be encouraged!

“The greatest battle is not physical but psychological. The demons telling us to give up when we push ourselves to the limit can never be silenced for good. They must always be answered by the quiet and steady dignity that simply refuses to give in. Courage, we all suffer. Keep going.” -Grame Fife

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Link to the Pizza Party info for Fiction I

Hey guys! A lot of you are not my Facebook friends so here is the link to the event, please respond on the wall with what you are bringing and meet up with me this week to give me you $2-3. In order to order pizzas EVERYONE has to bring money so don't let us down.

http://www.facebook.com/groups/266998623389749/267000493389562/?notif_t=group_activity

Response to Ethan Hightower's "Spanish Moss"

Ethan Hightower’s story Spanish Moss traces the story of Blake, Tommy, and Trig who is the narrator. They are 8th graders who are want to smoke weed because they think that’s what the mature high schoolers who are cool do. They sneak down to the creek and smoke. Two of them got really high but one didn’t feel anything. They see what they think is a briefcase full of money in the creek and Trig goes to look at it and discovers a dead baby in a trash bag instead of a suitcase full of money. The incident terrified the boys and was their first encounter with death. One of them moved away and the other two never talked. It ends very sadly and I think the change in the characters was their maturing. Not because of smoking weed, but because of encountering death for the first time firsthand.
I think you have a story that works absolutely beautifully and fully serves the purpose of micro-fiction. I love your elaboration of details on the moss and the creek were wonderful, but I wanted to see this attention to detail in your descriptions of the process of smoking, of the fear of the children, and more detail about running away and the process of maturing as they ran away from death and left their childhood behind. I want more description of leaving their childhood behind on that frantic, tearstained run in the woods. I don’t think I want any more characters added, but elaboration on the three boys is necessary. We know one is excessive and elaborates on everything and one is heading down the trail to being a drug dealer and the other boy (the narrator) is a lazy guy who does whatever his friends want him to do. I feel like they are a little stereotypical and would like to see them more developed. I love your story and can’t wait to see where it goes!

Response to Robert Elrod’s story, “As Big as Light”

Robert Elrod’s story “As Big as Light” is the journal entry on an aging man losing his memory. The main character, the one writing the journal entry, is named Dean. He works for the prestigious Huxley family and has for thirty to thirty-five years. This journal entry recalls Dean’s memory of the Huxley boy, Adrian, on the night he was going to commit suicide because he could no longer take his fathers condescension about his art and lifestyle of pursuing it. In the end Dean’s words of wisdom and time he spent talking with the young Huxley boy deterred his suicide attempt. The story ends with Mrs. Huxley dying and Adrian crying the tears of a man, not a boy.

I thoroughly enjoyed the story. The tone and setting was beautiful and the characters absolutely believable. However, I wanted a little more definition. Was Dean a slave? Simply having Dean say something like, “it was 1934…” or something of the sort in the beginning of his journal entry would clear up a lot of the loose ends I am grasping at. I love the contradiction between Adrian and his father. The parallel passions pit them perfectly against each other, but I do want to see more interaction between the two. I think having Dean remember a scene where he accidently overheard or saw an intense argument between the Huxley men would make us sympathize with Adrian a little more. I think everyone can identify with the pressure to live up to his or her parent’s dreams like Adrian, but I want to see a specific scene. I also think ending the journal entry with more about Dean’s apparent medical decline would be beneficial. He begins by saying the entire reason he is writing in the journal is because the doctors told him it could serve to help him as he loses his mind in the future. I would be terrified if doctors told me that and I think Dean needs to touch on this point again before your story ends. I cant wait to see what you do with it!

Response to lauren barkleys story

Lauren Barkley’s story is about the high school baseball player from a small town (Rochester) who has dreams and aspirations a lot bigger than milking cows. He wants to leave his family and the small town behind to go play baseball but his parents strongly disagree. He ends up deciding to just up and leave and get out of the town to attempt to make his dream come true. He goes off and has an “audition” (I think the right word would be “try-out”) for a professional team where he strikes out three times. He ends up flying back home deciding that his dream was immature and that he wanted to be a small town family man just like his father told him he would be. As he walked back inside his father and mother were surprised and happy to see him. It ends with his father handing him an envelope with $1000 and a note saying, “play ball.”

I think you did a great job of setting up a good setting and believable characters. However, I do think your story has been told before. I feel like you need to add an unexpected twist or just elaborate on setting and details. I wanted more descriptions of milking the cows and how the baseball gloves smelled like leather and how the plane and new town maybe seemed too strong and bright and shiny. Doing so would add a sense of tension and contrast that I think is needed past his conflict with his parents. I also would like to understand why his dad gave him the money and the note. Pardon my pun but it seemed way out of left field. Why did his dad do that? What did he end up doing? I want to know if he played ball again or milked cows.

Sky, Bar

"Assignment: Write a poem about a place. Use Iambic Pentameter."

The smoke curls into the music’s soft beat,

Crushed plastic cups amidst broken bottles,

Guitars scratch while lights flash on dancing feet,

Swaying as they sing, fair faces mottled.

Sticky air matches sweaty tabletops,

Grimy shoes crunching to midnight’s raw throb,

The next table neighbors taking more shots,

Smell, puke on the floor from Kelly the slob.

This is nothing like your green mountain trails,

Where air is crisp and stars smile not scream.

Vomit or pine straw, ash or fresh gale,

Not vodka, my dear, but taste the pure stream.

The Birth of a Book

Enjoy, I know I did.

http://vimeo.com/glenmilner/birthofabook

Response to Kody Blackwell's, "Whatever Gods May Be"

Kody Blackwell’s story, “Whatever Gods May Be” is the story of a small town southern man, named Thomas Abrams, losing his faith. The story begins with vivid imagery of Abrams’ first Sunday as Preacher at his local church. We learn he used to coach Football at the school there and served as a Deacon in the church until he had to step up and serve as the Head Pastor. Things seem to be going swell for him and his wife and then we learn she is pregnant! Time passes and it seems like after his visit to the retirement home is when his change begins. He begins to shift from a devout believer who reads his Bible daily and lives by what it says to a doubting Thomas. Quick aside, I think changing the title to Doubting Thomas would be marvelous. I digress. The story ends with Thomas and his very pregnant wife leaving the church after he walked up to the pulpit and proclaimed he just can’t teach something he doesn’t believe in himself. Because of fear of having no job and a kid on the way he lets Bert pay for them for a while. His wife gives birth to a boy that they name Thomas.

I thought it was a well-developed story with a great setting. I thought your characters were well-portrayed versions of real people here in the South and that made your story and characters easily relatable. What I just couldn’t pinpoint was exactly what made him lose his faith. I understand he began to doubt it but I didn’t quite understand why. Especially when all in his life seems to be going so well! Is it not usually a dramatic life event that causes “religious” folk to waver and at times turn their back on their gods? I want to know how he justified quitting and see more of an internal struggle about it. A little more conflict from those in the community around him after he quits would be nice to. Just a small suggestion: earlier I said change the title to Doubting Thomas but I take that back. Maybe just “Doubt.” I think giving the main character a different Biblical name such as Abraham or maybe Cain if ya want to get real metaphorical and then naming the child Thomas would produce a more powerful effect. I enjoyed reading your writing and again, I hope to read the final product.

Response to Jessica Mullino's story, "Untitled"

Jessica Mullino’s story traces the all to familiar process of writing a paper with the stigma of writers block. It follows the process of Andy as she puts it off hour by hour blaming different excuses form A.D.D. to annoying roommates talking to loud to Denzel Washington.

I enjoyed the story because it was something completely relatable, Jessica did a great job knowing her target audience. She knew that the people that would be reading this work are the people in her Fiction I class and therefore the majority of the people can instantly identify with the whole “writer’s block” scenario. My favorite part was when she started taking “baby steps” and thought about taking her story in the direction of a character with a potential Spanish accent in Spain. It made me laugh because that simple thought process is exactly how stories are born and I love how you captured that.

My concerns lie in the fact that it could be seen as a little cliché and a story that I feel that I have read before. I kept waiting for something crazy to happen and it just never did, she ended up writing the story, which ironically enough turned out to be a story about a story. I think adding a completely unseen element would benefit your story, I want something courageous and bold and maybe seemingly out of place to happen here. The second I knew it was about writer’s block I knew either she would get around it or she wouldn’t, but that’s not what I wanted. I wanted a third option. I have absolutely nothing to offer as to what the surprise twist in your story could be but I would like there to be one. I think knowing more about Andy would help too, tell us why she has the mental block. Has it occurred before? Could she have some strange tradition that she has to do to get out of it.

All in all I think you have a great premise for a great story that I definitely do want to read the final copy of, I look forward to seeing the changes you will make and watching the trouble that Andy and all of us have grow.

Response to Jhumpa Lahiri’s “Once in a Lifetime”

Jhumpa Lahiri’s “Once in a Lifetime” was a very different story. At time I loved the narrative perspective and at times it absolutely frustrated me. The story was so impregnated with culture and that was it’s strongest point. It just seemed so mundane to me. I guess in a way it did a great job of accomplishing a realistic view of, well, reality but I just can’t decide if I liked that or not. I experience reality every day, I read to escape reality not be immersed into it. I fully believed the story and loved the awkwardness of the training bra moment. The stark contrast between the two immigrant families was beautiful. I couldn’t help but wonder if the fact that the extravagant, indulgent mother dying was Lahiri’s way of telling everyone that comes to America to stick to the old lifestyle because the American Dream and American way leads to death. That’s definitely the message I got out of the story. I wanted to see more change between the protagonist and her crush, especially in or after the graveyard scene. After such a traumatic experience, how could the two characters not change? That was the only part that seemed a little far fetched to me, their conversation in the cemetery was starling and I didn’t see it coming, but once it happened there was no real change between the two! They just continued to live in an awkward imbalance and both were contented with that life. I wanted less reality, more drama, and more change. But I am glad I read it, it made me realize why I read: to escape.

Response to "Cats" by Rhamah

Rhamah’s story Cats does a wonderful job of straying as far from genre-fiction as a story can. The story describes a normal day at the Animal-Clinic in the cat room. The protagonist is neither defined as a boy or girl but the protagonist works in the “Kitty City” with one other worker that we know of named the “Cat Lady.” You get the feeling the name is meant to be condescending and that the protagonist does not enjoy Cat-Lady’s company nor the job at which they work. We see this from the descriptions the protagonist focuses on; the stench of the litter box and the “cicada” like balls of fur that always carpet the floor. A family comes in wanting a cat but the protagonist knows they don’t want the hassle, just the image of having a cat. After they leave, a boy comes in to buy what we assume is his old cat, which swats at him leading him to decide that he wants a new kitten. I believe this is the pinnacle of the story and teaches a lesson of some sort, but I can’t figure out what the lesson is and it frustrates me. I’m not sure if it is “let go of the past and move on to the future?” If that’s the case then what does the fact that the boy, by not choosing his cat from the past, basically condemns it to a death sentence mean? I want to know what the purpose of the story is, it seemed a bit unclear to me. I also want more character definition of the narrative voice. I care nothing about the character as a person because all I know about him/her is that s/he is sarcastic, can read most people (even if it can seem a bit condescending) and hates his/her job. I want to know more. Why do they have that job? What is their personal opinion on the cat as a creature? All in all I think you have created an awesome setting and story with a lot of potential, I can’t wait to see what you will turn it into!

Response to Nate Lundbergs "summer of Lemon Drops"

Nate Lundberg’s story the summer of Lemon Drops is a story about a boy who was caught drunk driving and was sent by the judge to go do community service instead of jail time. It ruined all his summer plans and he just graduated college. Whet he ended up doing that summer was working with a man who called him “college boy” and gave him a hard time for actually having made a 3.9 in college and the fact that he is spending his time digging on the beach for sea turtle nests at night and placing cages around them. I enjoyed the idea of the summer job on the beach at night with sea turtles, I think that opened up a lot of doors for potential good descriptions of the ocean and night a the birth or baby sea turtles. You did have a few descriptions that fell along this line, however I really want to see more. Not once did he ever find a turtle nest and I really wanted that to happen. I also do not quite understand how he changes or what the fake gold he finds in the end that the man he works with has planted in the sand for him to find. At the very end he talks about how his dreams seemed to fail and disappear before his eyes, but how does that affect him? He is still stuck at the beach, doing the same job, and still frustrated with the one mistake he made. I also don’t know if I buy that if he got pulled over for drunk driving and mistaking a lady cop for a dude that the judge would send him to work on the beach for the summer. Maybe I’m ignorant on the matter, but I believe elaboration on the topic would help. I enjoyed the whole theme of “my face gets me in trouble” theme you had going throughout the book, however it was more prevelant in the beginning then I felt like you forgot you needed to use it and just threw it in again at the end. I want more about his face, maybe a literal discription of him looking at it in the mirror and discussing the aspects of it that he thinks gets him in trouble? Overall I enjoyed your work again Nate, Thanks!

Response to "For the Love of the Game" by Jessica Mullino

Jessica Mullino’s story For the Love of the Game is about a girl who finds out her Dad is a famous baseball player. As the story progresses Linds decides to go watch her father play baseball, instead of asking her mom she tells her mom that she is going to the lake with a friend and ends up sneaking to the game. She sees her Dad and almost gets to meet him but he leaves her a note saying he knew she was coming because her mom knew and he wants to meet her one day with her mom and wants her to back and watch him play when his back is healed.

What I enjoyed most was how the story started off and you didn’t know exactly who the narrator was, where they were, or what exactly was going on. I loved that. It was so powerful and exciting when you realized it was a movie being watched. IT also came as a pleasant surprise to me when I found out the narrator and protagonist was a girl. When the story began and it was all about baseball I was expecting a guy. I had no idea what to expect and I love that!

I would have liked to have more interaction between the mom and the daughter and more dialogue. Maybe a conversation with the mom and daughter after she gets home from the game where the mom explains why she let her go? I don’t fully understand how the character changed as the story grew on. I know she finally got the nerve to sneak out and lie to her mother and finally had the opportunity to see her father play baseball. But after she does this, all that happens is she gets a note fro her father which does little to assuage her because she ends up with nothing more than, “a flutter in her stomach as she drives home.” I want her stomach wrenched because her father is not the man she hoped for, or maybe her stomach feels warm and full because she is full of new love for her father because he turns out to be a swell guy.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story! However I would like to see more power in the way your protagonist changes.

Response to "Over the Counter" by Kody Blackwell

Kody’s story “Over the Counter” is about a man in desperate need to provide for his family monetarily. The protagonist is a pharmacist but the money he is making to provide for his family is not sufficient so after an encounter at the bar with a sketchy friend who advises him to start selling drugs because he is, “gettin paid a peasant's wage to guard the king's gold.” (One of my favorite lines by the way, I can just hear a drunken kinda sleazy drug dealer like guy believing this to be the best way to convince someone). The story ends with the Protagonist (who I don’t believe has a name? Why doesn’t he?) caving into sleazy Tim’s advice and stealing from the pharmacy to sell the drugs on the street. The character changes because he gives into what he knows to be wrong. It is always disappointing when we see a character defiled and this way, but it definitely proves a strong point about the harsh reality of the world.

One way I would like to see the story strengthened is elaboration on what happens because the protagonist makes this choice. I don’t know if I necessarily want him to get caught and get in trouble, but I do want to see what happens to him because he made the decision to steal and sell drugs to make a living instead of selling. I also think the interaction with the pastor could be elaborated on. Their conversation was good but if he has been a member of that church for a while then why the pastor should be able to see that he is struggling and should definitely offer his advice. It would be an interesting idea to see the pastor catch him in the act or maybe get caught buying drugs?

I really enjoyed readying your story. The imagery and descriptions (especially of the church) were concrete and real, you did a great job there. I would like more description of the pharmacy beside the rows of bottles. The detail about the women with the stained shirts was wonderful. I love your mastery of image would love to see it throughout the entire story. Thanks for an enjoyable read.

Response to "Winter Chill" by Lauren Barkley

Lauren’s story “Winter Chill” tells the story of a man who is annoyed by his job and his wife. He works as a funeral home curator and embalms the bodies that come into the home. His funeral home is the only one in the area and it is currently winter which means business is booming. I thought that the man being mauled by a mountain lion and it seeming so normal was a little much. Even in the snowy hills of the mountains it is not an every day occurrence that someone dies by means of mountain lion. Just a minor detail, I digress.

The story picks up heat when Mr. Smart reads a text on Mrs. Smart’s phone that leads him to believe she is cheating. I believe that this is a reasonable assumption for Mr. Smart to make if there has been a past that has led him to believe this. The story explains how she flirts with the local men at times but actually taking the flirting past the front yard and on to a secret life kept from her husband is a huge leap. I would like to see more tension and build up of Mr. Smart’s distrust of his wife.

I think the best part of the story is when Mrs. Smart gets the phone call in the end. We as readers have been expecting this to happen the whole time and I think you handled the situation well. However, this feels like the climax of your story. If the climax is Mr. Smart finding that text message then make it a more powerful scene with more anticipation and build to that moment. The moment I anticipated from the very beginning was the moment he got in an accident driving the hearse on the icy roads. I don’t think the story can end with that phone call, if it does the opportunity for either of the characters to change or grow is monumentally truncated and I believe it takes away from the purpose of your story and makes it read like a typical thriller with a cliff hanger tale. I think your setting is great, the story has so much potential and I look forward to seeing what it will become!

Response to "Holes full of dirt" by Ethan Hightower

This story is a classic tale of younger boy falling for the older girl and going to extremes to impress her, which end up getting him in trouble. To be more specific the story tells the tale of a fifteen-year-old boy (Jeremy) who gets taken home from school by Ashlyn who is seventeen and when she comments on how dangerous his dirt road has become he decides to fix it in an attempt to impress and woo her. While he is working he thinks that she will be impressed by his maturity and work ethic. Because he is not actually mature and is not doing it to develop a work ethic he ends up getting into trouble when his Dad’s truck gets stuck in the mud on the ditch. Jeremy’s dad, like most parents, can realize that he is extremely distraught by the entire situation and only offers words of encouragement instead of anger.

I thought this was a very believable parental action, but to make it 100% believable I think the Dad needs to show more interest on why his son took the sudden incentive to take on the task of fixing the entire road. This is not exactly normal for a fifteen-year-old boy unless there is an ulterior motive and I would like to see the Dad know this and take interest and maybe dispense some fatherly advice on his puppy love-sick son.

I would work on the conversation between Jeremy and his friend Denver because their language and even the entire motive of their conversation seems a little deep for fifteen year olds. Yes, I do believe Denver can call him out on doing the work and going to the baseball game because he knows that Ashlyn will be there, but having him accuse Jeremy of doing it for wanting a work ethic and having Jeremy claiming to be doing it because of a desire to grow his work ethic both seem a tad austere for boys that are fifteen. When I was a fifteen year old I didn’t talk like that and I don’t think any other fifteen year old boys did either. If you work on making their conversation more believable I believe it will help your story. I also do not fully see how Jeremy has changed over the course of the story so maybe work on solidifying that as well. I enjoyed reading your work and look forward to discussing it in depth tomorrow!

Response to "The last bit of home-made sugar" by Nate

Nate’s story “The last bit of home-made sugar” is a very captivating and heart-breaking tale. The story is portrayed from the point of view of a boy, maybe in his teens, and his experiences on his family’s little ridge top community. You can feel the whispers of Appalachian trails and stories throughout the tale and I absolutely love that, those mountains have made me who I am and I think Nate captures a part of their character very well through the story of the family who lives on the ridge. I know this is a Fiction writing class, but I can’t help but feel as if this story is semi-autobiographical. I can’t exactly place why I believe this, but something in the language convinces me so. The story follows the day of the protagonist as he walks through the woods on his families land and reminisces on the family’s old days. The boy visits his grandfather and in his cabin and then goes to dinner, at the dinner he is thinking about how all his family is aging and how they all complain. I love how without saying it directly you can feel the apprehension of the main character as he feels as if he is just waiting for the first family member to die. Not in a sadistic kind of way but rather a foreboding feeling of apprehension. Then the phone rings and they find out that, “Jonsey just had a heart attack.” This is the climax of the story and I believe the part where the protagonist is thrown from being a child to an adult. It is a strange and painful transition but when he has to break in a window, do CPR, and then ends up getting left in the dark as the truck carrying his first dying relative speeds up the icy drive and out of his sight.

The imagery is beautiful as is the setting, but I would like to see a bigger build up of apprehension about his aging relatives. Maybe the dead animal he sees on his hike could really start him thinking about it and make him scared? I think the story has an Appalachian charm to it, but I would like more conflict and buildup to the climax. Great work Nate! Your writing always makes me miss home and the beautiful mountain trails that I grew up on. Lets go on a hike soon!

Response to "Off" by Aimee Bender

Aimee Bender’s short story “Off” was a fun read. From the very beginning you enter the mind of a character with a goal: to kiss three flavors of men, blonde, redhead, and black hair. Never for a second is this strange goal even questioned, rather it is accepted and thus the story begins.

I thought it was interesting how we learned about the main character. I still can’t decide if I dislike her a see her as a godless woman or rather pity her and see her as no more than a woman desperate for connection and attention. But I know she is one of the two from her goal and the way she justifies actions such as drunkenly stealing all the coats in an attempt to seem cute and drunk to entice her third man, the black haired fellow.

The story itself was not exactly enticing or dramatic, rather it was the drunken inner thoughts of a girl at a party. Almost too typical to be interesting, but this girl is so messed up I couldn’t stop reading. She is so desperate to meet her goal that she schemes ways to make herself attractive for the different guys she seduces. Its captivating. I couldn’t help but read on to try and see what crazy antic she would try and pull next.

My only and biggest critique for this story is the fact that it doesn't really captivate me. I read on because I was assigned the story and because I was mildly interest in what the character was going to do next, but the plot never peaked for me and I felt like I was just being dragged along on some drunken desperate party girls journey the entire story. That's not how I want my setories to read. There was not enough tension or action for me.

What I want to be able to pull from this story into my own writing is Bender’s ability to make a character instantly seem real and instantly have a connection with the reader. I may not respect or value the character but I do not doubt her motives.

Response to "Love of My Life" by T.C. Boyle

T. C. Boyle’s “Love of My Life” is not at all what I was expecting to read when I first read the title. The title disgusted me when I first saw it because I was expected a sloppy soppy love story about star-crossed teens finding true love. I guess in a way I was right but in more ways I believe I was wrong. The piece was captivating but there are two parts that I can’t get out of my head. The first was the graphic threat that China made to crawl into the woods and bleed to death instead of going to a hospital. That was brilliant. It equated her to an animal and made her fear absolutely animalistic. Boyle’s is genius. The second scene I could not get out of my mind was when Jeremy threw the baby into the dumpster. It was so abrupt and startling and I absolutely did not see it coming. When he describes the noise the baby made as it hit the dumpster my stomach turned. I personally have not heard such a noise and I’m pretty sure most readers of the story are in the same boat as me, however I have thrown trash into dumpsters and heard the noise it makes many a times. I think that’s why it was so powerful. Boyle took something relatable and turned it into something morose and powerful. I also think this story is relevant because of the age of the characters, being close to our age. Boyle’s story was wonderful to read.

Response to "New Coach" by Lauren Sides

This story is about Kaylee coming to terms with the fact that her cheerleading coach Alex is a crazy control freak who doesn’t actually care about the individuals on the team more than he does winning. Because of this Kaylee injures herself in practice one day (tears her ACL). But because she wants to remain a part of the team so badly she experiments with bulimia and abuses her body to stay in shape for Alex until he pushes her to throw a tumbling pass that she knows would hurt her again. She decides in the end not to throw the pass even though it means giving up all she has worked towards for many years and a possible future as a FSU cheerleader.

I liked how the dialogue was natural. Alex is a complete lunatic and we clearly understand that through his demanding speeches and verbal abuse of the cheerleaders. The story captures really well how much the girls made cheering into an idol because they made Alex’s acceptance into an idol. This is something that all athletes are tempted to do, you want your coaches approval. It’s something we all do, we all want approval and have to come to the point where we realize there is more than pleasing people in this life. I liked the structure of the story as well. How it began in the middle then backtracked and then caught back up and led you to the end was very entertaining. It kept it from becoming boring.

I would have liked to have seen more poetic language. The story is definite but there is such opportunity to express the pain of the injury, the fury at Alex, the fear of the parents, the desperation of bulimia, and the loss of a dream in a more poetic way. More figurative language please! I would also like more of a setting. We know the girl is in high school but tell us more about her as an individual. I also felt like I have heard this sports injury story before, maybe add an unexpected twist to aid your building of tension? I enjoyed reading your work and look forward to more!

Response to "Dreams" by Jeremy Hare

Jeremy, I want to begin by saying thank you for a fun and light story to read. I enjoyed not having to work to hard at deciphering the deep meanings of it; the story was straightforward and fun to read.

I believe the story focuses on Sora. Sora is an interesting character from our first encounter with him as the boy that was asleep on the ground. I think his entire purpose is achieving a goal and making good on his promise to himself to not have to depend on anyone other than himself. The conflict is obvious; he hasn’t achieved this goal yet. Sora’s motive puzzles Hikari, which shows depth into both of their characters. There is not much change in Sora, we are left with a cliffhanger but hopefully he will defeat the captain but we don’t know. I think the point you are trying to get across is something alone the lines of, “stay true to your self, and fight for the opportunity to never have to depend on anyone but yourself, it may puzzle people but it keeps you happy and sane?” Something like that is the message I received when reading.

I loved the genre. You stayed true to what you told us you liked on the first day of class and transported me into a fun world with characters with exotic names battling for truth and justice and their own beliefs. We need more people in the real world like Sora.

I would like more setting. Tell me the smells and feels of the gym, describe the characters to me so I can see them better, I want more insight into Hikari as well. Having her as the narrator is interesting because she does not seem to serve a very important purpose in Sora’s life. Maybe she is not necessary? Maybe Sora should narrate? I feel as if the captain Sora is battling is almost a character out of Dragon Ball Z or something. He does not seem real to me and I would really like for him to. Maybe give him a unique characterization no one else has? I also need more imagery overall. I loved your opening but the closing ends without any changes in Sora, I think he needs to win or lose and give up (preferably win in my opinion).

Thanks again for a fun read! See you in class tomorrow.

Town Creek Creep

"Assignment: Go somewhere and eavesdrop into a conversation. Record everything you hear. Post it on your blog. Learn what makes dialogue work and not work."

And so the creepiness begins,

Town Creek Park at 5:00pm I set up my blanket and computer in the shade of some trees near some unaware hammockers in the grove of trees to my left. I emerged into their conversation…

“…actually I just want someone to feed me. I'm so glad I'm not a child,” the blonde girl laughed, “If they tried to fine me $50 for missing chapter tonight I would punch someone.”

“They wont,” her brunette curly friend assured her.

“If the speaker doesn’t have to come I don’t either, I’ll tell them I was nursing her back to health.”

“AH I'm SO SCARED! STOP!” Brown-curls’ hammock was swaying way high into the sky as a boy with a white hat pushed her. They laughed.

“What if trees roots came from clouds instead of the ground?” The blonde again, “What if all the fluffy stuff grew in the bottom of the bush?”

“We’d be just like trees!” Curls was excited by this idea.

“Oh yea! It’d be like watch out for that tree!” The blonde is giggling, “ALL THE TIME DUCK! DUCK! IT’S A TREE!”

They sat in silence in their hammocks looking up at the clouds.

“If I had an extra body I could do things with and it didn’t matter first I would do LSD then I would go skydiving,” again the blonde.

“ABSOLUTELY!”

“My friend’s dad did that LSD in college and now he’s a psychologist. My friends go to him to get Adderol.”

The boy in the white hat plopped down beside the curly girl and pulled his phone out and began playing James Taylor for everyone to enjoy.

“So yesterday on campus Kit and I broke out into Oops I did it again. LOUDLY. We weren’t just kinda singing, we went all the way!” The curly girl was giggling and it became contagious. The laughter interrupted by the train’s distant grumble.

“Yall lets go camping! But no purpling in the tents! Your body is a temple!” The blonde laughed and pushed herself in her hammock off the nearby tree with her feet.

“If you could only listen to one artist the rest of your life who would it be?” Curls is full of questions.

“It’d be a hard choice between Mozart and The Beatles.” The boy in the shorts and orange jacket answered, first time he’d spoke.

The train’s horn has now passed, they sit in silence and swag in their hammocks, happily unaware of the English student destroying all their rights of privacy.

Response to Richard Bausch "1-900"

Once again, a trend I am beginning to find defines well written literature, I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into when I began Richard Bausch’s short story “1-900” this week. The title gives nothing away as to what the story is about, and that is one of the main lessons I seem have being drilled in my brain this semester. My poetry teacher says, “Let the time capture the imagination not define what needs to be imagined.” In my opinion, Bausch succeeds in doing so.

So, what was the story about? Phone sex. Surprise! The characters again, like the past two weeks, describe themselves in their conversation. I am beginning to see another theme this semester that is telling me to allow my characters to define themselves without my help. That’s what makes a character real. That is what happens the whole time John is talking to Sharon.

We learn from the awkward pauses, their responses to the different verbal stimuli the other offers, and even in the end from John’s somewhat forceful request and Sharon’s hesitation and denial exactly what type of people they are. This is powerful, but can also be problematic. I think it works in this situation because of the genre the story is, but if this had been a longer work the way the characters were developed would have almost seemed forced. Dialogue is important and a powerful definer for the characters in this piece because of what they were doing, but if Harry Potter was only written in dialogue the first time Hermonie said, “lumos!” I would have been stupefied.

I think the subject and syntax coincided exceedingly well, further proving that Bausch is a very talented author. Dialogue is not an area of writing in which I boast, but reading stories such as this offer me encouragement and motivation to continue to grow and learn. A link to his own personal blog can be found here: Richard Bausch's Blog