This story is about Kaylee coming to terms with the fact that her cheerleading coach Alex is a crazy control freak who doesn’t actually care about the individuals on the team more than he does winning. Because of this Kaylee injures herself in practice one day (tears her ACL). But because she wants to remain a part of the team so badly she experiments with bulimia and abuses her body to stay in shape for Alex until he pushes her to throw a tumbling pass that she knows would hurt her again. She decides in the end not to throw the pass even though it means giving up all she has worked towards for many years and a possible future as a FSU cheerleader.
I liked how the dialogue was natural. Alex is a complete lunatic and we clearly understand that through his demanding speeches and verbal abuse of the cheerleaders. The story captures really well how much the girls made cheering into an idol because they made Alex’s acceptance into an idol. This is something that all athletes are tempted to do, you want your coaches approval. It’s something we all do, we all want approval and have to come to the point where we realize there is more than pleasing people in this life. I liked the structure of the story as well. How it began in the middle then backtracked and then caught back up and led you to the end was very entertaining. It kept it from becoming boring.
I would have liked to have seen more poetic language. The story is definite but there is such opportunity to express the pain of the injury, the fury at Alex, the fear of the parents, the desperation of bulimia, and the loss of a dream in a more poetic way. More figurative language please! I would also like more of a setting. We know the girl is in high school but tell us more about her as an individual. I also felt like I have heard this sports injury story before, maybe add an unexpected twist to aid your building of tension? I enjoyed reading your work and look forward to more!
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