Response to Jessica Mullino's story, "Untitled"

Jessica Mullino’s story traces the all to familiar process of writing a paper with the stigma of writers block. It follows the process of Andy as she puts it off hour by hour blaming different excuses form A.D.D. to annoying roommates talking to loud to Denzel Washington.

I enjoyed the story because it was something completely relatable, Jessica did a great job knowing her target audience. She knew that the people that would be reading this work are the people in her Fiction I class and therefore the majority of the people can instantly identify with the whole “writer’s block” scenario. My favorite part was when she started taking “baby steps” and thought about taking her story in the direction of a character with a potential Spanish accent in Spain. It made me laugh because that simple thought process is exactly how stories are born and I love how you captured that.

My concerns lie in the fact that it could be seen as a little cliché and a story that I feel that I have read before. I kept waiting for something crazy to happen and it just never did, she ended up writing the story, which ironically enough turned out to be a story about a story. I think adding a completely unseen element would benefit your story, I want something courageous and bold and maybe seemingly out of place to happen here. The second I knew it was about writer’s block I knew either she would get around it or she wouldn’t, but that’s not what I wanted. I wanted a third option. I have absolutely nothing to offer as to what the surprise twist in your story could be but I would like there to be one. I think knowing more about Andy would help too, tell us why she has the mental block. Has it occurred before? Could she have some strange tradition that she has to do to get out of it.

All in all I think you have a great premise for a great story that I definitely do want to read the final copy of, I look forward to seeing the changes you will make and watching the trouble that Andy and all of us have grow.

Response to Jhumpa Lahiri’s “Once in a Lifetime”

Jhumpa Lahiri’s “Once in a Lifetime” was a very different story. At time I loved the narrative perspective and at times it absolutely frustrated me. The story was so impregnated with culture and that was it’s strongest point. It just seemed so mundane to me. I guess in a way it did a great job of accomplishing a realistic view of, well, reality but I just can’t decide if I liked that or not. I experience reality every day, I read to escape reality not be immersed into it. I fully believed the story and loved the awkwardness of the training bra moment. The stark contrast between the two immigrant families was beautiful. I couldn’t help but wonder if the fact that the extravagant, indulgent mother dying was Lahiri’s way of telling everyone that comes to America to stick to the old lifestyle because the American Dream and American way leads to death. That’s definitely the message I got out of the story. I wanted to see more change between the protagonist and her crush, especially in or after the graveyard scene. After such a traumatic experience, how could the two characters not change? That was the only part that seemed a little far fetched to me, their conversation in the cemetery was starling and I didn’t see it coming, but once it happened there was no real change between the two! They just continued to live in an awkward imbalance and both were contented with that life. I wanted less reality, more drama, and more change. But I am glad I read it, it made me realize why I read: to escape.

Response to "Cats" by Rhamah

Rhamah’s story Cats does a wonderful job of straying as far from genre-fiction as a story can. The story describes a normal day at the Animal-Clinic in the cat room. The protagonist is neither defined as a boy or girl but the protagonist works in the “Kitty City” with one other worker that we know of named the “Cat Lady.” You get the feeling the name is meant to be condescending and that the protagonist does not enjoy Cat-Lady’s company nor the job at which they work. We see this from the descriptions the protagonist focuses on; the stench of the litter box and the “cicada” like balls of fur that always carpet the floor. A family comes in wanting a cat but the protagonist knows they don’t want the hassle, just the image of having a cat. After they leave, a boy comes in to buy what we assume is his old cat, which swats at him leading him to decide that he wants a new kitten. I believe this is the pinnacle of the story and teaches a lesson of some sort, but I can’t figure out what the lesson is and it frustrates me. I’m not sure if it is “let go of the past and move on to the future?” If that’s the case then what does the fact that the boy, by not choosing his cat from the past, basically condemns it to a death sentence mean? I want to know what the purpose of the story is, it seemed a bit unclear to me. I also want more character definition of the narrative voice. I care nothing about the character as a person because all I know about him/her is that s/he is sarcastic, can read most people (even if it can seem a bit condescending) and hates his/her job. I want to know more. Why do they have that job? What is their personal opinion on the cat as a creature? All in all I think you have created an awesome setting and story with a lot of potential, I can’t wait to see what you will turn it into!

Response to Nate Lundbergs "summer of Lemon Drops"

Nate Lundberg’s story the summer of Lemon Drops is a story about a boy who was caught drunk driving and was sent by the judge to go do community service instead of jail time. It ruined all his summer plans and he just graduated college. Whet he ended up doing that summer was working with a man who called him “college boy” and gave him a hard time for actually having made a 3.9 in college and the fact that he is spending his time digging on the beach for sea turtle nests at night and placing cages around them. I enjoyed the idea of the summer job on the beach at night with sea turtles, I think that opened up a lot of doors for potential good descriptions of the ocean and night a the birth or baby sea turtles. You did have a few descriptions that fell along this line, however I really want to see more. Not once did he ever find a turtle nest and I really wanted that to happen. I also do not quite understand how he changes or what the fake gold he finds in the end that the man he works with has planted in the sand for him to find. At the very end he talks about how his dreams seemed to fail and disappear before his eyes, but how does that affect him? He is still stuck at the beach, doing the same job, and still frustrated with the one mistake he made. I also don’t know if I buy that if he got pulled over for drunk driving and mistaking a lady cop for a dude that the judge would send him to work on the beach for the summer. Maybe I’m ignorant on the matter, but I believe elaboration on the topic would help. I enjoyed the whole theme of “my face gets me in trouble” theme you had going throughout the book, however it was more prevelant in the beginning then I felt like you forgot you needed to use it and just threw it in again at the end. I want more about his face, maybe a literal discription of him looking at it in the mirror and discussing the aspects of it that he thinks gets him in trouble? Overall I enjoyed your work again Nate, Thanks!

Response to "For the Love of the Game" by Jessica Mullino

Jessica Mullino’s story For the Love of the Game is about a girl who finds out her Dad is a famous baseball player. As the story progresses Linds decides to go watch her father play baseball, instead of asking her mom she tells her mom that she is going to the lake with a friend and ends up sneaking to the game. She sees her Dad and almost gets to meet him but he leaves her a note saying he knew she was coming because her mom knew and he wants to meet her one day with her mom and wants her to back and watch him play when his back is healed.

What I enjoyed most was how the story started off and you didn’t know exactly who the narrator was, where they were, or what exactly was going on. I loved that. It was so powerful and exciting when you realized it was a movie being watched. IT also came as a pleasant surprise to me when I found out the narrator and protagonist was a girl. When the story began and it was all about baseball I was expecting a guy. I had no idea what to expect and I love that!

I would have liked to have more interaction between the mom and the daughter and more dialogue. Maybe a conversation with the mom and daughter after she gets home from the game where the mom explains why she let her go? I don’t fully understand how the character changed as the story grew on. I know she finally got the nerve to sneak out and lie to her mother and finally had the opportunity to see her father play baseball. But after she does this, all that happens is she gets a note fro her father which does little to assuage her because she ends up with nothing more than, “a flutter in her stomach as she drives home.” I want her stomach wrenched because her father is not the man she hoped for, or maybe her stomach feels warm and full because she is full of new love for her father because he turns out to be a swell guy.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story! However I would like to see more power in the way your protagonist changes.