"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Response to "The last bit of home-made sugar" by Nate

Nate’s story “The last bit of home-made sugar” is a very captivating and heart-breaking tale. The story is portrayed from the point of view of a boy, maybe in his teens, and his experiences on his family’s little ridge top community. You can feel the whispers of Appalachian trails and stories throughout the tale and I absolutely love that, those mountains have made me who I am and I think Nate captures a part of their character very well through the story of the family who lives on the ridge. I know this is a Fiction writing class, but I can’t help but feel as if this story is semi-autobiographical. I can’t exactly place why I believe this, but something in the language convinces me so. The story follows the day of the protagonist as he walks through the woods on his families land and reminisces on the family’s old days. The boy visits his grandfather and in his cabin and then goes to dinner, at the dinner he is thinking about how all his family is aging and how they all complain. I love how without saying it directly you can feel the apprehension of the main character as he feels as if he is just waiting for the first family member to die. Not in a sadistic kind of way but rather a foreboding feeling of apprehension. Then the phone rings and they find out that, “Jonsey just had a heart attack.” This is the climax of the story and I believe the part where the protagonist is thrown from being a child to an adult. It is a strange and painful transition but when he has to break in a window, do CPR, and then ends up getting left in the dark as the truck carrying his first dying relative speeds up the icy drive and out of his sight.

The imagery is beautiful as is the setting, but I would like to see a bigger build up of apprehension about his aging relatives. Maybe the dead animal he sees on his hike could really start him thinking about it and make him scared? I think the story has an Appalachian charm to it, but I would like more conflict and buildup to the climax. Great work Nate! Your writing always makes me miss home and the beautiful mountain trails that I grew up on. Lets go on a hike soon!

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