"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt

Monday, February 20, 2012

Response to "Holes full of dirt" by Ethan Hightower

This story is a classic tale of younger boy falling for the older girl and going to extremes to impress her, which end up getting him in trouble. To be more specific the story tells the tale of a fifteen-year-old boy (Jeremy) who gets taken home from school by Ashlyn who is seventeen and when she comments on how dangerous his dirt road has become he decides to fix it in an attempt to impress and woo her. While he is working he thinks that she will be impressed by his maturity and work ethic. Because he is not actually mature and is not doing it to develop a work ethic he ends up getting into trouble when his Dad’s truck gets stuck in the mud on the ditch. Jeremy’s dad, like most parents, can realize that he is extremely distraught by the entire situation and only offers words of encouragement instead of anger.

I thought this was a very believable parental action, but to make it 100% believable I think the Dad needs to show more interest on why his son took the sudden incentive to take on the task of fixing the entire road. This is not exactly normal for a fifteen-year-old boy unless there is an ulterior motive and I would like to see the Dad know this and take interest and maybe dispense some fatherly advice on his puppy love-sick son.

I would work on the conversation between Jeremy and his friend Denver because their language and even the entire motive of their conversation seems a little deep for fifteen year olds. Yes, I do believe Denver can call him out on doing the work and going to the baseball game because he knows that Ashlyn will be there, but having him accuse Jeremy of doing it for wanting a work ethic and having Jeremy claiming to be doing it because of a desire to grow his work ethic both seem a tad austere for boys that are fifteen. When I was a fifteen year old I didn’t talk like that and I don’t think any other fifteen year old boys did either. If you work on making their conversation more believable I believe it will help your story. I also do not fully see how Jeremy has changed over the course of the story so maybe work on solidifying that as well. I enjoyed reading your work and look forward to discussing it in depth tomorrow!

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